Solitary Bird

Listening to: Nothing
Feeling: Indifferent

Hello Reader[s]
I'm back again. I'm trying to space these posts so people won't get too tired of reading them.
So I'll be covering alot that's been on my mind, so please bare with me.

First, tonight I went to the last band concert of the year.
I'll admit, I was a little sad to see my friends there that weren't going to be there next year.
I'll say, I'm blessed with the amount of friends that I have.
But with that, it just hurts more to see them go.
I don't think my friends understand just how much i love them all.
I have a big heart, and with that, I care for others very easily.
I doubt any of them will read this.
But I can only hope they know how much I appreciate them.
And how much I'll miss the seniors that are leaving.
Ahem..

Enough of that.

Next topic.
So I live with my mom.
Just me and her.
And many people think that we have this very friendly almost like sister sister relationship
which at times we do.
But most times, it really feels like I'm alone.
She spends her nights on the phone, talking to anyone for hours upon hours.
I stay locked up in my room seeking company from friends on aim.
sometimes we'll go the whole night without having more than 20 words spoken to each other.
She's not a bad mother, I'm not saying that.
I'm just wondering why our relationship turned out the way it did.
I'm sure it's my fault also. I do take some of the blame.
But I have to ask sometimes; why did my family life turn out like this?
Why do I envy my friends when they talk about their families, or when i go to their homes.
I feel a little outcasted because of it. But I try to ignore it. I try to feel like I'm no different than any of my friends.

On a lighter note, I'm beginning to strengthen old relationship with friends, while at the same time making new ones.
For the past year I've done a pretty bad job at balancing being a girlfriend and being a friend at the same time.
I was so excited and so involved with my relationship with my boyfriend that I kind of tucked away my relationships with my friends for a while.
I see how much I changed as a friend and I want to bring things back to how they were. I want to be a good friend and a good girlfriend too..It's not easy.
I want someone to get to know me right now in my life. Only because I feel like i'm the realest I've been in a long time. I feel like I've been trying too hard to be like this, and act like that. and I just want someone to know exactly who I am. Not many people know.

Alright..I feel a bit better rambling on about useless shit that's going on in my life.
But you know me and my fragile emotions.
One little touch and I just might break..

Embrace life.
Embrace love.
Peace.