I believe in this.

Listening to: Envy on the Coast
Feeling: Apathetic

Hey you.
It's been a while.
The longer it takes me to post anything the better in my opinion.
Because usually when I have something to post, it's something negative about my oh so crappy life.
This post is sort of pointless. It's around 3 in the morning and I can't sleep.
I've got too many things on my mind.
You know when you make a mistake, you learn from it, and then you try your hardest not to make the same mistake twice.
I'm in that situation
Except my heart is involved
I'm very bad at handling emotions
When they're emotions I don't want, I try to push them way and for whatever reason it makes me push people away too. I don't know why. I'm deeply flawed when it comes to handling my heart.
I was doing so well too. My heart was chilling and I was chilling and starting to enjoy life. And then my heart had to go and ruin it all.
It's really whatever. I'm pushing away the emotions and living my life again.
I just want to be happy.

So I was rummaging around the internet and I found a really really really old site I used to use when I was into poetry and drawing. It's called fanart-central.net
If you want to find my account, search "CresentStar" [Shut up..I thought the name was cool at the time]
I've got a few sketches on that site and a bunch of poems. I love[d] writing poetry then..but I wasn't very good. I'll post one at the end of this post.

Spring break is almost over. Surprisingly, this break has been really long for me. Maybe because I've done nothing but work and stay at home. At least I got money.

This april should be pretty amazing. next wednesday is my birthday, two days later is a day to remember, two weeks after that is envy on the coast and a week after that is bamboozle! And I'm going to them all. I'm really excited. I want my life to be exciting. Things are so boring.

I'm jumping from topic to topic. When insomnia hits you, your brain isn't really there. I'm running off of energy that doesn't exist.

There's a pepto bismol bottle in my room. I don't know why, I hate pepto. It looks so deceiving. I feel like I'm going to take a gulp of tasty bubblegum flavor...bubblegum my ass. That shit taste like chalk. I must admit it works though. I haven't used it in years, which I guess is a good thing right?

I'm done talking. If I'm not going to sleep, I need to at least get away from the computer. It's poison.

Here's one poem I wrote in 2005:

Speak

I wanna hear your thoughts
feel your every move
i wanna know your anger when you've got sumthin to prove
i wanna feel your pain, n take it away
i wanna shed your tears when you've been betrayed
i wanna smile when your happy
cry when your sad
i want you to let go of the past that you once had
i want your soul to fly
and never shed a tear
i want you to love me
i wanna take away your fears
i wanna make you feel special
like your someone to treat
i wanna know how you feel
all you have to do is speak

Can you believe I typed like that?
Christ, No capitalization, punctuation failures, spelling errors. I guess Hamilton has taught me a thing or two.


Embrace life.
Embrace love.
Peace.

Okay you're a goon but what's a goon to a goblin?

Listening to: Nothing
Feeling: Hungry

Hello readers.
Long time no talk.
I really haven't had any reason to blog lately. Which I would say is a good thing since everytime I blog it's about something depressing.
I don't realy have anything useful to say in this post either.
I guess I'll just update you on what's been going on since I last posted..
Let's see...
It's 2010..how about that.
uhhm..I finally got a new phone..
Hmmm...that's pretty much it.
My life is as boring as ever.
But I'm not complaining.
I'm really happy with the way things are going in my life.
I feel mentally stable, it feels good.
I also see myself acting more of who I am..if that makes sense.
I'm no longer doing what everyone else expects me to do, you know? Like Everyone expects me to hang out with my friends all the time. And please don't get me wrong, I love them to death, and I love being around them. But to be honest, I'm not really too close with all of them. And I know a majority of them are going to read this, and they honestly can't deny it. Yes we have fun together, yes we love each other. But I can't say i can talk to every single one of them about my life and my feelings.
Nor have I ever done so for that matter. And it's not their fault that I'm not emotionally close to all of them. Nor is it mine. Sometimes you have friends that you strictly have fun with. And you have those friends who you tell everything too. I love them both the same.

Speaking of love...lets talk about my love life.
....

Okay next topic.
Lets talk about my LACK of a love life.
I don't really mind being single. But it's boring when you're not really attracted to anyone at school. And if you are attracted to them, they're either taken, not in the same state, or just too..out there...or not there..if you know what I mean.
Flirting is fun when you find someone to flirt with. I'm not very good at flirting anyway.

Overall, things are going well. My mind has really been on college and junk. I know I have another year but look..we're already done with the first month of the year. Jesus, I remember watching the ball drop. Time's flying by just as fast as I want it to.

Lately, I've just been letting things...flow. I'm not forcing anything, or hoping for anything. I'm just going with the flow. Making the most of everyday, cause I've wasted too much of my life being depressed and I'm trying my hardest to make up for it.

T-minus 5 days until the sleeping concert :D




Embrace Life.
Embrace Love.
Peace.