My Babies<3

Listening to: Nothing
Feeling: Happy

Hey, long time no..read..i guess.
I'm actually really happy.
Big changeup from my usual mood when i post things on this blog.
But this post isn't about me...at least this next paragraph isnt.
this post is about the class of '09..at least the people i know from that class.
today was their graduation.
And it was definately the best graduation i've been too yet.
They really are a special class, and I will miss them all tremendously.
I met a group of really great kids who have really made this past year special.
Not that they'll ever read this but..
Craig, Michael, Frankie, Juan, Willie, Arnold, Kirstine, and anyone else I may have missed.
You guys have made this year my favorite so far. I will miss you guys so much.
And of course Hashem.
Who has made me happier than I could ever imagine.
Who has kept me above water when i felt like drowning.
Who has taught me to accept myself.
Who I will miss more than anything.
Who I love more than anything.
I'm proud of you babe.


Congrats class of '09. Hamilton won't be the same without you.

ALRITEY.
enough of that.
They're not going to read this anyways, but at least they can't say i don't care :]
So tell me how a bee friggin' stung me in the eye.
It fucking hurt.
But it's dead now.
So I feel a little better.
I have an orthodontist appointment at 4, just so he can tell me that I have to wear my braces for 14 more years. >:|
I really should keep reading Atlas Shrugged. I'm on page like..60..and it looks like i havent even started the book :\
I'm done blabbing. I'm going to enjoy the weather while it's still around.


Embrace Life.
Embrace Love.
Peace.




R.I.P. Michael Jackson..my future husband when i was in elementary school.

Who is John Galt?

Listening to: The rain.
Feeling: ...

I just read over my last few posts.
And I'm noticing that these blogs aren't working.
It seems that each post is getting more and more negative.
And this post is no different.
I'll keep it short.
I need to clear my mind.
I've never felt this low in my entire life.
and alone.
I know i have friends.
but doesnt everyone have that one person that's just...always there?
All my friends do.
I thought I had one
But..where are they?
I need them.
I need him.
But..I just feel unworthy of anyone right now.
I fuck up too much.
I feel dead.
and nonexistent.
I need positivity in my life.
I want to be happy.
Where did my happiness go?


Embrace Life.
Embrace Love.
Peace.

Pieces

Listening to: Breathe Me - Sia
Feeling: completely beyond any feelings


I feel empty.
completely empty.
No feelings.
Emotions.
Love.
Hate.
Nothing.
But tears.
I hate my heart.
I hate that i care too much.
I hate that i put everyone else before me.
I wish i could just not care.
I wish good things could continuously happen in my life.
I wish i could think positively even after shit happens in my life.
I fucking wish I could just disappear for a while.
I wish i could channel my emotions.
Release them in a better way.
Right now I just don't know what to do.
I'm so close to giving up at this point that I'm in denial if I say i haven't given up.
I wish words didn't hurt so much.
I wish I didn't love so much.
It's a flaw.
In my opinion.
My heart is too big.
I love too easily.
and too much.
Would it be easier not to love at all?
Is it worth the potential pain? No matter what kind of love it is
between two friends
two lovers
two family members.
loving someone always leaves an opportunity for them to hurt you.
At least that's how it is for me.
It just fucking sucks.
I'm not going into details about why I feel this way so please don't ask.
I'm just...hollow.
I need to disappear for a while.


Embrace Life.
Embrace Love.
I can't do much of either.
Peace.

Rain

Listening to: Sackcloth in ashes- Small Leaks Sink Ships
Feeling: angry

Hello reader[s].
How has your week been so far?
Mine hasn't been awful. I can't say that i'm in the best mood at the moment.
So let's get started on my useless rambling, shall we?

Let me start by saying that i haven't had a bad week. Thinking in retrospct, I'd say this week has been one of my better ones so far.
Aside from my monthly visit from a friend coming on my one year anniversary of being with my boyfriend. [may 31st.]
NOT that you needed to know :]
Anyways.
I've been seeing lately that I'm getting angry for smaller and smaller things.
and I'm having a harder time containing my anger.
Though I'd say i'm not a bad person/girlfriend/friend, I'd say I have some very poor qualities in myself that make me question just how good a person/girlfriend/friend I am.
And I know those poor qualities are beginning to show themselves although I try my best to hide them.
I know no one's perfect, but I just dont want my flaws to damage/affect any relationship I have with anyone.
I honestly need to look into anger management classes. I'm a great hot mess.
next topic.
I'm not calling out anyone in paticular when I say this.
But i have a real pet peeve of people asking what's wrong.
I know i sound like a bitch, and I know I have no good reason for it to bother me.
But just, sometimes I feel that most people who ask if there's something wrong, already know theres something wrong; thats why they asked.
Now I know I'm guilty of asking the "whats wrong?" question, so please feel free to call my a hypocrite at any given point in time.
But most times, instead of asking whats wrong, I focus on trying to cheer them up.
My whole thing is, it's a little awkward when there is something wrong, you just dont feel comfortable talking to them about it [whether it be that they asked at an innapropriate time, or you just dont feel comfortable talking about it with them]. that's why a majority of people respond with "nothing, I'm fine." It's a way of backing out of an uncomfortable situation.
So with that, I focus on trying to make them smile, rather than getting to the root of the problem. If they want to tell me what's wrong, great, I'd be glad to help. But in the meantime, I just want to know that I can make someone in a better mood without even knowing what the problem is.

Well those are the main things I wanted to talk about.
Now some things that have nothing to do with anything.

I wish school were over already. It's unbelievebly hot in my room. I miss my boyfriend more than anything right now. I'm feeling incredibly lonely at the moment. I slept my entire evening away so now i'll be up until at least 1 in the morning. I want ice cream. I wish my air conditioner was just magically in my window right now. I wish my mother would stop stalling and just sign me up for dance classes already. I'm noticing I gained weight but I refuse to weigh myself; I'll just depress myself.

Good enough for now.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.


Embrace Life.
Embrace Love.
Peace.