We Are Golden

Listening to: We are Golden - Mika
Feeling: accomplished

Hello Chickadees. Howdydoo?
I'm pretty good, just finished my history essay.
So I'm rewarding myself with a new blog post [yay]
Nothing depressing to say in this one.
Actually i'm not going to be writing much of a story or anything.
just a list of the 25 things i think you should know about me.
Since it is my blog, i feel like talking about myself :P


25. I eat massive amounts of food with no shame, but surprisingly, I'm an extremely picky eater.
24. I'm 5'3 and I'm okay with that.
23. I like meeting new people though I try to deny it.
22. I like being close to others, but i have trouble doing so.
21. I'm probably the least girliest girl you'll ever meet.
20. No, I've never done drugs, nor do I ever plan on doing drugs. I honestly just have a fascination with them.
19. I'm slowly accepting the way I look.
18. The only thing I'm confident in doing is dancing.
17. I have an unhealthy obsession with Linkin park. No one loves them like I do, i can promise that.
16. I love when people trust me, it makes me feel better about myself.
15. I love being drawn on, it's soothing.
14. A good friend of mine says I can see the beauty in songs so much that it brings tears to my eyes every time...he's right.
13. I love math.
12. I hate partly-erased chalkboards.
11. The only time I'm able to express my feelings is when I'm dancing.
10. I get emotionally attached extremely easily...it's a flaw.
09. I have a big heart..And as much as I'd like to deny it, I love really easily.
08. I have trouble sleeping every night.
07. I used to play the violin...I was pretty amazing at it too.
06. I'm a hypcorite..just like the rest of the world.
05. I'm not politically active, so don't ask me about anything having to do with politics.
04. I can relate to people extremely easily..simply because I've been through a lot.
03. I'm extremely stubborn.
02. I'm extremely hard on myself all the time.
01. I hate being at home a lot of the time.
00. I will never judge you...ever..no matter who you are, where you've been, or what you've done..chances are, I've been there, and done that.



Well folks.
Thats about all the important stuff you need to know about me.
But I'll probably have another one of these sometime soon when I'm as bored as I am now. :]
Farewell for now.







Embrace Life.
Embrace Love.
Peace.

Why do all good things come to an end?

Listening to: Inevitable - Anberlin
Feeling: lost

Hey.
Long time no talk.
I haven't had any real reason to blog for a while, so I haven't.
But today..
Today is different.
September 1st.
Me and my boyfriend broke up.
it was a decision we both [sorta] agreed on.
A part inside me knows it was the right decision since he's off to college now. in a different state.
The other part is fighting my decision. Forcing me to think of all the memories we've shared. How he makes me feel when he's here..how he makes me feel when he's not here..
I hate this internal battle.
I've never felt so alone in my life to be honest.
But its so weird.
Because when i look around me..everything seems a bit more beautiful..a bit more...alive..but I feel like I'm not a part of it..the beauty..and it makes me sad.
I'm beginning to realize everything I have in my life..the friends..the love..how much i really mean to them..it makes me sad to be around them..I want to share their happiness..i don't want to pretend around them.
Everything makes me sad..even the beautiful things bring sorrow. I don't understand..I may sound over dramatic..but this is how i feel.

I don't like how I'm handling this. periodically I'll suddenly get a reassuring feeling that I'll be just fine..I have a new found freedom that I didn't have for the past 15 months. But for the most part..I feel like I've made a mistake..that I should have fought the decision. Make him believe that our love is bigger than the distance that we're apart. But it's already done. I can't take it back. And i'm sure he wanted this. If it makes him happy..
I'll get over this..I have no choice. I knew this day would come..but i believed i could be stronger than this.
I've never felt so weak..so dependent. I hate it..

I can only move forward..if my heart allows me to.



Embrace life.
Embrace love.
Peace.