Why do all good things come to an end?

Listening to: Inevitable - Anberlin
Feeling: lost

Hey.
Long time no talk.
I haven't had any real reason to blog for a while, so I haven't.
But today..
Today is different.
September 1st.
Me and my boyfriend broke up.
it was a decision we both [sorta] agreed on.
A part inside me knows it was the right decision since he's off to college now. in a different state.
The other part is fighting my decision. Forcing me to think of all the memories we've shared. How he makes me feel when he's here..how he makes me feel when he's not here..
I hate this internal battle.
I've never felt so alone in my life to be honest.
But its so weird.
Because when i look around me..everything seems a bit more beautiful..a bit more...alive..but I feel like I'm not a part of it..the beauty..and it makes me sad.
I'm beginning to realize everything I have in my life..the friends..the love..how much i really mean to them..it makes me sad to be around them..I want to share their happiness..i don't want to pretend around them.
Everything makes me sad..even the beautiful things bring sorrow. I don't understand..I may sound over dramatic..but this is how i feel.

I don't like how I'm handling this. periodically I'll suddenly get a reassuring feeling that I'll be just fine..I have a new found freedom that I didn't have for the past 15 months. But for the most part..I feel like I've made a mistake..that I should have fought the decision. Make him believe that our love is bigger than the distance that we're apart. But it's already done. I can't take it back. And i'm sure he wanted this. If it makes him happy..
I'll get over this..I have no choice. I knew this day would come..but i believed i could be stronger than this.
I've never felt so weak..so dependent. I hate it..

I can only move forward..if my heart allows me to.



Embrace life.
Embrace love.
Peace.